“So what would you want to win if you could?”
Win? What? Win what?
“Yea, say it was a series or a championship or something. What would you ideally want to win, if you could win it?”
I left last season/ last racing post in sort of a cliffhanger, will he-won’t-he with racing, because literally that’s how I felt with it.
Expensive, painful, not fun, not pretty, type 2 fun, difficult for no reason, did I mention expensive?
So I reserved myself to just finish the season. Call it good. I tried it, I failed, I succeeded, I learned, and I won a trophy or two. Great. Moving on. Remember when we used to ride for fun?
Banter on the comms, gorgeous pictures, laughs, little exercise, exploring. Good times, right?
Season Ended, I clinched an Over 30 Novice title, and 4th place Over 30 overall. Proud of myself. I got kinda senioritis with it. You know, that “it sucked the whole time but now its ending and I don’t want it to” feeling? Ah hell, maybe I’ll do one or two next year. Some of the fun ones I’ll show up. Everyone did miss the Virginia City Grand Prix, so maybe I’ll do that one. Who knows….
Then this girl comes along….
I’d heard her name from Braaptalk. I guess one of the hosts races sportbikes with her up in Portland. She’s doing this off- season coaching thing, so her instagram post said. Well, I already pay for Enduro Method, so I don’t really need a DIFFERENT coach. But she’s doing a giveaway, so I took a look at her post.
“Whoever you are, and wherever you are with your track riding experience, let’s get you physically and mentally in race shape long before the first green flag flies for 2021!”
Ugh. Sportbikes. *eyeroll*
okay but no. A quick couple comments on her post and I discovered 1, she rides dirtbikes too, and 2, there ain’t much difference when it comes to the part that stuck out in my head.
and mentally
hmm. “I dont focus on just physical fitness! The mental game is HUGE in our sport!”
How does the movie line go? “You had my curiosity, but now you have my attention…”
Let me tell you guys…. This woman is a magician. I don’t know if she’s an actual therapist or a doctor, but she should be. Holy shit.
I got 1 month of free coaching from her. and I continued with Enduro Method, and once a week I sat down and zoom called her, and I was mind blown. This woman took my brain apart and put it back together in a matter of a few hours.
I went from “meh” on racing, to BUYING A BRAND NEW RACE BIKE. In a couple sessions with her.
I’m not saying she tricked me or talked me into anything I wasn’t okay with, I’m saying she helped sort through my thoughts and put me on a track that helped me realize WHY I was racing and what I wanted to get out of it.
I found a point to navigate from. A star to guide me, if you will.
It gets better.
Okay yea, cool. Bought another red bike, and it was AWESOME. I’m writing a review for it (slowly. I can’t stop blogging about it instead of just writing)
It made sense at the time. A good, sturdy bike I can rely on, easy to work on (its a honda, after all) and it’s the perfect weapon for the type of racing I do. I could really do well with it.
But
I sold it. To a friend. She was more excited about the bike than I was, and ultimately, it didn’t fit in with THE GOAL.
The Point.
What do I want to WIN, if I could?
Championship? Trophy? We already discussed how dumb it is to potentially end up in a wheelchair going for a stupid plastic trophy with your name misspelled on it.
But if I said, “okay, no more racing” I couldn’t do it. I can’t. Is it the need to beat this guy? The need to get better? For what? I can already handle a fully loaded adventure bike doing things it shouldn’t be doing. So, Why can’t I just quit it?
I raced one round of MRANN already in 2021. I wasn’t going to, but then I decided to see how the honda handled a race that I bought it for. I liked it. I could have made it work, but it helped my decision to sell it. I missed my beta a few times.
Not the point. Get to it, Matt. We don’t have all day.
But from the time I registered for the race, I paid Very Close Attention. To every step of the process. Prepping the bike, buying necessary supplies. Waking up stupid early to load up and drive to the race location. Unloading the bike. Warming up yourself and the bike. Meeting your friends you only see when you race. The national anthem.
The dead silence when the banner goes up…..
The absolute Chaos that erupts in the first 5 miles. Pileups, crashes, seeing your friends pass you, passing your friends and wondering if they noticed you.
Deciding whether to go that 2nd lap.
Finishing the race and talking about that one hill and that one dude that wouldn’t let you pass.
The post race steak.
ALL OF IT
I love all of it. Its so addicting. The challenge, The struggle, the failures and successes. I love the end result Monday morning when you’re dragging ass at work and people say “you ok matt?”
Yea, I just raced A HUNDRED MILE RACE yesterday. No biggie.
There’s definitely drawbacks. Bad races happen, and I challenge you to find any racer out there that hasn’t had one. But that struggle, that battle within, that chaos, is what drives me to sign up, show up, line up, and take off.
The 2nd round of racing is this weekend. I am not attending. Its the first round of MRANN I’ve missed since I started. Uhm… after all that shit you just said about loving all of it, Why?
“What would you want to win, if you could?”
My friend Amy got me a bunch of stuff for my birthday back in November. A water bottle. A couple cool stickers, and 3 little plastic ducks. It was sweet. She said once the ducks arrived at the house, some cool, lucky stuff started happening. So she said these were my lucky ducks. I’ve carried them around with me for months now.
Random conversation with someone on instagram. I made some comment about how if you have time to spread hate and negativity on social media, you got time to work on being a better rider. I don’t know. I was having a day. I was annoyed with people who get free shit just for being famous, or infamous. Anyway, this dude checked in on with me to make sure I was okay. People do that now. Its awesome.
I’m not that guy (anymore) where I need someone to check on, but I absolutely appreciate people that take the time to look into things and look out for other people, especially ones they don’t know.
Start talking, and the conversation gets around to racing. It just so happens, this guy has raced dirtbikes for most of his life in the UK. He’s won the series, been to the big races, and, well, knows a thing or two because he’s done a thing or two.
He asks me the most peculiar question, and at the time I had no answer:
So what would you want to win, if you could?
Uhm, what do I wanna win? I don’t.
I’m not trying to win. I’m just trying to GO
Show up.
Be at the race.
Of course I want to do well, beat this guy or be in the top half or do the best I can. Leave it all out in the desert, feel like I earned it. I’m not gunna half ass it.
But I wanna say “yea, I’ve done Hellas.”
Oh, you mean this? * he shows me his finisher pin from Hellas Rally*
Its a strange question that I still don’t have a solid answer. I’m not there to win. I’m there to experience. To be there. To try. I’m still in a “see what I can do” situation. I have no idea if I’m good, or if I’m just in the middle of the pack.
Chances are, the best I can probably do is the upper middle of the pack.
I’m not the next Ricky Brabec. Skyler Howes I am not.
Interesting concept: neither are the majority of the HUNDREDS OF OTHER RACERS THAT LINE UP AT BAJA.
But they still do.
They still show up. They still train, they still diet, exercise, get their bikes tuned 100% for race day.
And then they do it. They bust their ass and make it happen and save the cash and raise the funds and THEY GO. TO BAJA. While the fastest guy at MRANN just does MRANN. Year after Year after YEAR.
Not me. I want to Win a finisher pin. I don’t need a trophy with my misspelled name. I just want to go to the Big Ones. Commit myself to a goal and achieve it.
A big part of my life was ripped away from me by a girl. I had dreams my entire life of becoming a fighter pilot. Not hiding from my responsibility, I chose to do what someone else wanted, and it cost me.
This will not happen again.
I’ve committed myself to a bigger plan. I want to set a goal, years out, and work for it. Wake up everyday with a goal and a hope and a dream and I want to ACHIEVE IT. I spent the first 30 years of my life dwelling on a dream and then I let it go. I won’t do that again.
3 races this spring. They serve a purpose, But MRANN isn’t in that mix. I’ll come back to that in the fall. I’ve got bigger fish to fry.
I’m taking the next 6 months to put myself under construction. I’m revamping my life, my plans, my daily activities and habits in order to commit to racing. Big bikes, skinny bikes, big races, small races. If they don’t serve a purpose, I’m not doing them.
I’m racing MRANN to practice for National Hare and Hound.
I’m racing National Hare and Hound to race the Scrambler. And to practice for Best in the Desert.
I’m racing Best in the Desert to do Vegas to Reno and the Mint 400. And to practice for SCORE.
I’m racing SCORE to do the Baja 500 and the Baja 1000. And to practice for the Hellas Rally.
The guy I was talking to on Instagram told me I need a plan. “I know so many guys who dream of doing international rallies, but wanna gain enough support to go do it; so they keep racing the same local series year after year. If you add up the money spent on racing the same series year after year vs. saving up to do an international rally. The cost is about the same.”
So then.
Lets stop racing hoping we’re gunna be the next ricky brabec. Let race because it’s practice, and make real life plans to get YOURSELF there. Because no one’s going home with a factory deal. No one’s going to show up at the end of an MRANN race and go “hey, wanna do baja? Here’s $10k and a bike. Take pics”
If you wanna do Baja, keep riding. Keep training. But the most important part, is start saving money to do it.
So here I go.
In case you’re curious, the sportbike coach I talked about earlier, her name is Hannah Johnson. Look her up on instagram if you want to get your ass kicked into shape to achieve your goals. @hannahjohnson.71. She also sells ducatis on the side, so if you live in Portland, and wanna buy one… look her up.
To finally answer the question I’ve typed out 4 fucking times now…. what would I want to win?
Achieving a dream. One that relies on ME. Nobody else. My own effort, discipline, strength, and intelligence. I failed when I chose to get married and give up becoming a pilot. I want to win the right to say “I set a goal, I worked for YEARS on it, and I achieved it.”
And the racing guy that checked up on me? Oh, I don’t know if you’re a superstitious person, but those little ducks I’ve been carrying around in my pocket? They led me down a pretty rad path.
Vegas to Reno. Mint 400. Baja x2, Hellas.
Stand on it.
Stand On It 