About this time last year, I was stuck in this weird Nostalgic/ Deja vu vortex. In November and December, I found myself on the same base, stuck in a barracks room, with nothing to do but work out and play old video games, just like in 2007 after I left bootcamp.
I was in the same schoolhouse, same classroom, same chair, as when I went through initial F18 school in June of 2007. On the weekends I was sneaking up to Baltimore to chase girls, get tattoos, and then during the holidays, I drove 12 hours north to spend Christmas with my weird family, but they’re my weird family, and I love them.
After a short trip back to Nevada in January, I was back in the vortex. My reserve squadron had temporarily moved due to some random and irrelevant reason, but here I was, in the Same hangar, Same work center, as my first active duty navy squadron in 2007.
While I was in Baltimore chasing girls, I was… ushered… into getting a tattoo, I didn’t really personally choose it, but I was in a “go with the flow” kinda mood. I ended up getting a little beetle.
I called it the Redo Beetle. Its to anchor myself to this strange state I found myself in, and to remind me that I was somehow, strangely, given another opportunity to relive 2007- 2024. Try again. Do it better. Or at least understand your circumstances and give yourself more grace.
That’s a valuable little ear worm. I mentioned before that I was stuck in a barracks room playing old video games, just like in 2007 when I was waiting to class up for Initial F18 school.
My 30’s have been characterized by doing all the things I couldn’t do when I was younger. I threw caution to the wind and “Stood On It.” And all thoughts of my life previous to that, was SHOUTING, at the top of my lungs, WHY DIDN’T YOU STOP LOOKING AT SCREENS AND PUT DOWN THE GAME CONTROLLER AND GO TRAVEL AND RIDE AND RACE AND AND AND AND…
Well. Good. Now you’re 36, 18 years after you first showed up in the 419 barracks. Here’s your shot to do it again. Why then, are you on Steam downloading Vice City and Quake 2? Go travel! and ride! and race!
huh. Well if you’ve been following along with the REST of my 2023, I sold a decent chunk of my bikes and toys and RV and started meticulously writing down Every. Single. Thing. that I’d spent money on. I didn’t have any money for bikes. I had a negative Net Worth and I was banished to budgeting hell until I had gotten my spending under control. I was being careful with my money, mostly because I didn’t have much of it.
…Just like an e3 fresh out of bootcamp would do….
My little Redo Beetle didn’t just give me an opportunity to be better, it gave me a chance to give my younger self grace. To see that my youth wasn’t wasted, nor was the way I lived before a mistake. It was, just like it is now, the best I can do with my present circumstances.
I left Virginia in April, and came home to some surprising and incredible news, and while my heart is so insanely full from hearing this news, I found myself needing a new home quickly.
I wouldn’t really add that to the “Deja Vu” pile, as I’ve been continuously scrambling for a new home since, well, 2008, if I’m being honest.
Actually, now that I mention it….. moving into a “less than ideal but it’ll work for now” housing situation really brought a huge fact about my adult life that I hadn’t really noticed until then, despite going through the agonizing motions at least once a year for nearly 18 years:
I’m tired of moving. I need a home. I’ve never lived anywhere longer than 21 months since I left bootcamp.
Baja went out the window.
Restoring Mom’s cm450c went out the window.
Adventure riding went out the window.
I left my cozy and relaxed office job pounding on these keys and went back to work at Topgun. I never thought I’d be back there. But the desire to redeem myself after Lockheed, the insanely nice pay, and the opportunity to move for a living was too good to pass up.
I reapplied, talked to some people, made amends, and with the critical help of some friends, was rehired in July.
Walking through the gate into that hangar felt like the final step in the circle. I’d come out of the dream that was 2023 and dropped back to December of 2016, when I first moved to Nevada.
The 2nd half of 2024 was an interesting blur of events. It was like “okay asshole, here’s Take 2. What are you gunna do?”
Despite the final step in the Redo Beetle being in July, I feel like I’m still answering that question. First order of business was, I eliminated the need to move for a very. long. time. I signed on a little paper a bunch of times and some idiot gave me a fucking mortgage.
MY
FUCKING
HOUSE.
It wasn’t exactly well executed or an ideal purchase, but in 2017 I felt like I was waiting for an ideal situation, and missed the boat. So this time around, I just wanted to make the jump, and make the parachute on the way down. Its been about 2 months in, and I’m doing well, I’m happy here, but I’m still making the parachute. Time will tell.
I went to Vegas for work, something I truly missed about working here. On the way down I got caught reminiscing about all of my adv bike memories. That, and a somewhat successful LAB2V run has had me in a “new ADV bike” fever for weeks now. I’m really hoping I can hold out until my budget is better off.
I scrolled through my journal for notes about this past year, and I’ve written almost nothing since February, but I did find this important quote:
“Happy New Year, 2024. If you’re going through this later on, I hope you have a better paying and more fulfilling job, you’ve eliminated your debt and discovered the power of saving $1500/mo vs. spending it on payments, you found someone that loves you as much as you love yourself (that’s a twofer) and you take time to care for your body by doing things that are uncomfortable”
Better job. I have a girlfriend, and I love myself. 3/7 ain’t that great, but it’s not that bad, either.
I haven’t mentioned my girlfriend, and I don’t plan to. If I talk about it out loud, I’m gunna jinx it. If you remember right, a few months after starting work at Topgun, I ended up very single very quickly. so, shhhh. at least for a few more months…..
I’ve been sitting on these thoughts and reflecting for a while. Getting them out and on this web page has helped recalibrate my mindset. I’m late getting ready for some New Year’s Eve Shenanigans, so I’ll have to cut this post short. There is more to it. This was nice, reflecting on how this year went. I need to take these thoughts and project into my future…
Happy New Year. Thank you for reading this.
this photo was actually taken in Vegas. which is why I’m kinda sorta absolutely dying to get another adv bike……
Stand On It 