Putting things off until… never?

Okay, this is the umpteen millionth draft I’ve started, all reflecting half ideas and not seen through to post.

Why.

Several reasons. The present, most present reason involves a major life change/ plan fall through. It’s presently relevant, and sitting on the top of my brain right now, mostly because it just happened, so you get to read about it.

Most of you know I’m a Navy reservist. Some of you know that I have no idea why. Its like the last leftover piece of my life that’s a strange combination of necessary to support my crazy life, and something I started doing before I was aware that I could control my own life and do what *I* wanted to do with it.

See, after I got divorced, I suddenly had this incredible epiphany, that I had the time, the money, and the Freedom to do things that made ME happy. I wasn’t tied to anything or anyone, and it really got me deep. It started a new path for me, from a life of doing what I *should* do, ie Join the military, succeed and become a fighter pilot, get a wife, make her happy, do what makes her happy, enjoy that…

To “holy shit. I can ride my bike WHENEVER? I can buy this bike and go on this adventure and flirt with this girl and do MY OWN THING?”

The last thing I did as a married man, I have no clue why to this day, was reeenlist in the reserves. I’m not a fan of them. This post isn’t about why I hate the very profession that financially provides for my moto/adventure- addiction, but one of the reasons will become apparent in the coming paragraphs.

As a navy reservist, I’m required to shave my face, get a haircut you hippy, and put on a uniform for at least 2 weeks a year. Funny thing about that, is I’m evaluated on my performance for those 2 weeks. So in order to be looked at with even the slightest respect as a part time weekend warrior, I need to do more time than that. Needing to travel, and a break from riding, Nevada cold (its just cold. almost no snow. just cold, and wind. I miss snow) I requested 30 days of reserve time in Virginia. Take a break from working on airplanes for the Navy to go work on airplanes for the Navy in another state.

If it sounds confusing, It is. just let it be 😉

They responded with “well, its covid times, so in order for us to bring you here, you need to quarantine for 2 weeks. No way we’re going to pay you to come here for 30 days, and then spend half of it locked in a hotel room. We want you here for at least 58 days.”

Oh. So, 2 months? Well shit. More than I bargained for, but alriiiight.

Lets add some fun to the mix: I leave end of February. My lease ends March 31st. I wont come back to Nevada until April 21st. My roommates enjoyed my existence enough that they want me to follow them to the next place. The next place they are going, is a house one of them bought. That’s still being built, and won’t be ready to move in until just about the time the lease expires.

Well, cool. I have a place to live when I come back. So, move all my stuff into storage, go on orders, then move everything into the new house when I get back! Sweet!

Except, my dumbass decided to spend one of the last weekends home racing….

Racing, as some of you know, isn’t just “racing.” its the prep work, money spent, time invested in the days leading up to it.

Ugh. I’m dumb. Anyway. Last time riding before I leave for 2 months.

okay so here! This was my quarantine game plan, and why I haven’t been writing:

Things to do While in Quarantine:

Download Lightroom
Edit photos
1hr Plank
1000 Pushups
Make 3 Videos

Meditate 14 Times
Write in Journal
Write 6 Blog posts.
Taxes
Get on a set Sleep Schedule

I have… *checks notes* 0.97 Terabytes of GoPro footage of the last 3 years of riding. I need to turn that into some useful videos someone wants to watch.

I have… *checks notes* 8 Years of adventures and stories and thoughts and ideas that I need to turn into some useful blogs someone wants to read.

I put some solid intent into spending my time locked in a hotel room writing, editing, and crtl-alt-deleting my life into something besides Ride-wrench-work-sleep-race-repeat.

I’m getting burned out from riding. It’s losing its’ meaning without reflection. Hundreds of miles have passed under the bike without remembering where I’ve gone, why I’ve done it, or what I’ve seen or said or thought takes the romance out of it. Like a porn star. Yea, I get to sleep with all these beautiful women, the envy of any man, but what’s the point if its all day, everyday, without pause or thought or reflection?

Every dude ever: FUCK THAT, GIMMIE THAT JOB!

Every person reading this that can’t ride because of all the snow outside: FUCK THAT, QUIT WHINING ABOUT RIDING TOO MUCH, WHAT AN AWFUL 1st WORLD PROBLEM TO HAVE.

Anyway, I was looking forward to some time off the bike and reflecting about the life I lead. Judge me if you will, but I’m beat. Need a break. Was looking very forward to 2 months with no bikes, 1/4 of that time locked in a hotel room with nothing but wifi and a brand new computer.

Was.

Last week home. Mad dash to pack my shit, store my bikes, finalize navy paperwork required to go on orders, file leave of absence with my civilian employer….etc

Finalize navy paperwork?

Yea. The Navy loooooves to yell at you for not being 15 minutes early to everything, but will take their sweet time and you can’t complain about it. Ever. That sweet old adage, Hurry up and Wait.

So I was hurrying up, packing my shit. I was giving the new honda to my friend Allison with the dual purpose intent of storing it for me while I was gone, and an extended test ride. I was in full Come-What-May mode with that. If she bought it? Great. If not, I have a race bike. More on that story later.

So as of Thursday, my orders had not been finalized. I was supposed to leave Monday. I was promised everything would be finished and signed with enough time to depart on time. Thursday morning, I managed to stuff all of my bike gear, my Xbox, tv, and camping gear into the storage unit, when I notice a missed call from my Senior Chief.

“hey, just wanted to let you know, due to covid restrictions, we won’t be able to approve your travel. sorry. orders are dead in the water.”

Remember up there 👆 Where I mentioned how much I hate the reserves? I would looooove to tell you this is the first time this has ever happened to me.

I would loooooooove to tell you this hasn’t happened pretty fucken regularly since 2012.

But I can’t.

So here I am. Half my life packed into storage. The other half strewn about my room like plans just ended mid execution. I have to show up for work on Monday. Allison has the honda. I figured the military shouldn’t screw us both over.

I can’t simply unpack everything and just bring it back here. Then move it all a month from now?

I packed all of my mind-organizing white boards. So I made a list of everything I just missed out on by not leaving for 2 months on my mirror in my room.

I missed out on good stuff. Break from riding. Escape my day job. 14 day Staycation in an empty hotel room. Time to write, edit, and post. an excellent opportunity to help further my Navy career.

I missed out on some bad stuff, too. No racing/Riding (contradicting, isn’t it?) Having to move twice, the time crunch of stuffing all my shit into storage before leaving, not building the Beta into a dual sport fun bike.

So after a hefty emotional support burrito, I committed to pivoting.

How do I get all the cool shit I wanted from leaving for 2 months, while enjoying missing the bad stuff?

I’m writing this mid struggle. At the time of writing this, I’m sitting on my bed, looking at an empty tv stand, sharing my bed with a bunch of clothes mid-pack, boxes everywhere.

Presently paralyzed. I’m writing about it instead of making a decision and executing a new battle plan.

I guess I need to consult the Great Pumpkin first.

Weird Royal Guardsmen reference.

My point here is

dot.

dot dot dot.

I have one.

Of this I am sure.

Oh yea.

I don’t need to be trapped in a hotel room for 14 days to get things figured out. I don’t need to pack all my shit and peace out to the other side of the continent to reassess my priorities.

Wanna write more? Here you go. This blog is getting posted TODAY. I started it TODAY.

Wanna work out, study for exams, make youtube videos, go on adventure rides, camping, zone out for a mental health day? DO IT. Don’t wait.

…and most important of all…

DONT LET YOUR FRIENDS PRESSURE YOU INTO DOING STUFF THAT DOESNT ALIGN WITH YOUR PRIORITIES.

I’m not racing this month. I’m gunna wrench a bit. Ride whenever. Wash my truck. Maybe go for a hike. Snowboard? Not sure.

I do know, is I’m going to spend some time reorganizing before I bring more shit back to this house. Figure out how to edit videos, write blogs, and plan future adventures in my own space without leaving a mess for my roommates to step over. My shop needs to be overhauled, as do my messy, disorganized work habits.

Speaking of work habits…..One of my goals for this year was to make peace with work. See, I switched jobs. I left a really well paying job working on airplanes to a new job, working on a different airplane, doing more work for less pay. My hope was the quality of work would improve, but really, all I learned was that it doesn’t matter where you work, or what you do, if you don’t have the right attitude, everywhere you go is gunna suck. So part of these 2 months stuck not being not here, is going to get spent realigning my mentality with work.

So that’s the pivot. You don’t need to do some drastic move across the country to make changes to your life. You can’t run away from it. Turn and face it.

Time to face it.

Face yourself.

Stand on it