One year ago Today

I got fired for the first time in my life a year ago today, September 14th, 2022. I’m honestly still not ok with how it all happened. I asked for help. I said it didn’t look right. I was told to shut the fuck up and “it was fine, I’ve done this a hundred times in the marines.” When it happened, I was the one who called the trainer on his day off to ask for help. The only thing I love nearly as much as riding motorcycles, is working on airplanes. And even though I interviewed for another job on Thursday the 8th, was offered the job 2 hours later, put my 2 week notice in the next day, to ME, that doesn’t matter. I got terminated for being bad at fixing airplanes the following Wednesday.

The entire time working there was a massive lesson in sticking up for myself that I didn’t learn until it was too late. Day 1 I was told I wasn’t getting paid for driving 6 hours to Lemoore the day prior for onboarding. I should have walked out THEN. The next 2 years was just a game to see how much bullshit we could possibly put up with. A coworker committed suicide over the weekend, our site manager…. got us pizza?

“Sorry your coworker killed himself. Here’s some pizza”

Everyone I started working with there got tf out of there while they could. I stuck around like I’m known to do… and it bit me. I spent a significant amount of time on reserve duty in 2021. About 90 days total. When I returned, I was cornered in my maintenance manager’s office and told I would not be allowed to go on orders anymore. Again. Another opportunity to stand up for myself that I failed to do. I should have reported him to HR. I should have filed a complaint with the ESGR. I am federally protected from termination or retaliation due to performing reserve military service. But… I didn’t.

I got promoted in the spring of 2022, and the day after that I started getting written up for every. Little. Mistake. Big or small. They gave me rope and waited for me to hang myself with it.

The first one was for using “expired” Hazmat. It expired THE DAY I USED IT. The tool room attendant that signed it out to me got fired for it. The next shift removed the component and reapplied fresh sealant. I found out later that the base supply department had extended all Hazmat expiration dates due to a supply shortage. So the sealant wasn’t even legally expired.

The second was a month later, I was given a garbage bag full of supplies and told to go seal a panel down. Turns out I used the incorrect type of sealant, the correct of which wasn’t even in the bag. So my mistake was, ironically enough, trusting another person.

The third offense was my most obvious sign I was no longer welcome. I was singled out during a group meeting and told “get your bag, get your shit, and get the fuck out of here” because…. he didn’t like the look on my face.

That was somehow my fault. I was written up for insubordination. I asked my supervisor what he thought, thinking it was that particular manager that just didn’t like me. He 100% agreed with the manager. He was the one who wrote me up. He said I was laughing. I barely smiled, and none of the mechanics heard me laugh.

I still have trouble thinking about it. About that particular manager. About my coworkers, almost all of whom did not reach out or ask me about what happened in any way. We all hated the way the place was run, but after I left it felt like they agreed with the decision to fire me. I was one of the first employees at the site when it started, and people I had started with didn’t reach out, didn’t respond to my texts, acted like I didn’t exist anymore.

Weeks later, I ran into a former coworker from a previous job I had quit to start the position I’d been fired from, and he mentioned that he had heard what had happened. Without giving me any opportunity to give my side of the story, he started lecturing me about learning from my mistakes. I asked him if he wanted to hear my side, and he told me it wasn’t important.

The rumors that had been spread about what “I had done” were enough for him.

I have anxiety about the entire topic anytime I think about it. I think about what I would have done differently. I think about what I would do if I were to see any of these people again. I question my mechanical abilities, and technical knowledge, my skills as an aircraft maintainer. I’m compelled to abandon my plans to making a safe career shift to IT in order to find another aircraft technician job in order to redeem myself.

I don’t know how to end this post. This is how I feel. A year later. When I realized the date, the feelings came back. Its not “resolved,” its not getting better with time. I just forget for a moment. Then I drive by the parking lot on the way to my new job, or someone mentions the airplane, and it’s just… there again.